Robot Carson

by Robert Lopresti

About the Author: ROBERT LOPRESTI is a retired librarian. He is the author of more than seventy stories and has won the Derringer Award (three times) and the Black Orchid Novella Award. His most recent novel, GREENFELLAS, is a comic crime tale about a Mafiosi ho decides to save the environment, by any means necessary.

Excerpt

When the bell rang Mary opened the door and found a freezer on her stoop.

Not literally, of course. But that’s what people had started calling the things, because they were almost the same size as a chest freezer, except they had a cone on a flexible pipe on the front, like a gooseneck lamp. It was impossible not to think of that as the head, although Mary heard that it was just the visual center, and the brain took up most of the box.

When they first appeared the things were white. Recently the powers that be had changed them to pale blue, presumably to make them look less like household appliances. It didn’t help.

“Oh, God,” said Mary.

“Good morning,” it said. “I am Police Robot Carson.” They had given the things names because some focus group decided that was somewhat less intimidating than a string of numbers—and easier to remember if a citizen wanted to file a complaint. As if talking to an icebox named Carson wasn’t intimidating enough.

“What do you want?”

“I am investigating a crime that occurred in this neighborhood. Incidentally, our conversation is being recorded for your protection. If you wish to receive a video—”

“I know all that. I see it on the news every day. What do you want?”

There was a pause. She had seen enough footage to know that the cop boxes always had to pause for a moment after being interrupted. Or did the cunning designers put that feature in deliberately, to make them seem more human? 

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