Vulgax9 on Earth

by Jared Schwartz

About the Author: Jared Schwartz is an award-winning street artist and political cartoonist whose work has appeared in galleries all over the globe as well as many published zines! When he's not making artwork he's instructing students on reading, writing and grammar, and submitting his art as many places as he can, or posting them on his Instagram, @Jareds_Sketches.

Excerpt

As the brain-shaped spacecraft glided smoothly into and through Earth’s gassy atmosphere, its lone inhabitant Vulgax9 couldn’t wait to see what her studies would reveal. The nocturnal ZGGGGbop Empire had been immensely pleased with her work at Universe-University where she displayed an unusually impressive aptitude toward the study of alien life, in all of its various forms.

She was the one who proved that the BurstGasses of BopQuadrant 9704 actually had thoughts of their own, and communicated via changes in color. She was the one who discovered that on top of the highest mountains of her homeworld, there were hidden civilizations descended from the asteroid fallout of the previous century.

She was also the one that realized that pebbles had feelings and had been really annoyed at everyone this whole time.

For her work, her species showered her with many large awards, but this opportunity was perhaps the biggest one yet. A new planet had been discovered by her people, a polluted orb near a massive sun. Life, their devices had discovered, was on this world, and they decided Vulgax9 should be the representative to make first contact with these new creatures, tell them of their place in the universes if they’re smart enough to handle it, and then recruit them as an ally for the Empire. (Which probably meant enslaving them, as is common for how these things go.)

Vulgax9, ever the genius, decided to land in a relatively populated area so that she could speak to the largest amount of their population possible.

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