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About the Author: Gerard J Waggett has published four short stories in "Mystery Magazine," the latest being a Sherlock Holmes Adventure. This Valentine's Day, Mr. Waggett's short story "He Loved His Mama and His Mayonnaise" was announced as the winner of The Ghost Story website's Screw Turn Flash Fiction competition. His horror fiction has been published in the Archer Anthology "Dark Mirrors" (2023) as well as the premiere issue of "Dracula Beyond Stoker."
“The label says poison.”
I smiled before I explained to Winnie, “That’s not a label. It’s a post-it note. And that’s just Sir Martin thinking he’s funny.”
“What’s funny about poison?” Winnie asked.
I told her, “You’d get the joke if you knew him.”
“Have I ever seen him?” she asked.
I was sure that she must have by now. “He’s one of the surveyors. Tall … long neck … He talks like he’s from England.”
Winnie nodded her head. The man had never spoken to her, but she had heard him speak. She didn’t like him or his accent.
That made two of us. Last week, Sir Martin the Tattletale reported me to HR for eating his food, which was a wild exaggeration. Once, maybe twice a week, I’d been dipping into his dairy-free cream cheese. It didn’t taste as good as the real thing, but the real thing wasn’t worth spending the rest of the morning trapped in the bathroom. I didn’t need to explain my lactose intolerance to HR. It was fully documented.
After being reprimanded by a woman half my age, I filed a complaint of my own. I reported Sir Martin for calling me fat. For credibility, I used the word “portly” because it sounded British. And it worked. Sir Martin was the one, not me, who ended up with a written warning in his file.
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