On Ice

by Allison Baxter

About the Author: Allison Baxter's work includes "Cuyes" in Fourth and Sycamore Online Journal, “Vikingr” in The Norwegian American, “How I Lost My Father Twice” on Scary Mommy Blog, and “Anamnesis” in the Examined Life Journal: University of Iowa Carver College of Medicine. She is the author interview columnist for First Draft, the quarterly newsletter for The Guppy online Chapter of Sisters in Crime. Her website is https://allisonbaxterauthor.com and Twitter is @Allibaxwrites

Excerpt

Lovely Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Crystal clear waters, pristine forest … and a bunch of braggy tourists taking summer fishing trips. I’ll take my walleye on the ice, Illinois wusses.

But I’m good with being a local. I got a great view of the lake from my Craftsman cottage. I don’t have to pay some nightly rate for a floral calico bedspread. Winter, I got the lake. And for this, I’ll put up with the tourists and the weirdo neighbors.

The neighbors, Stuart and his brother, Fred, are fraternal twins nearing forty. They run pretentious bed and breakfasts in their historic homes, one on each side of me. I’m like a bed-and-breakfast sandwich. And it ain’t good.

Fred is married to my niece, Laura. The stringbean guy wears his hair in a stringy gray ponytail. Stuart, wears his hair in the same hipster ponytail, with more red than gray. The guy is practically mute. The twins look like a couple of art school dropouts who should run a corner weed shop.

Every week, Fred yells out at me across the lawn, “When you gonna sell your place?”

“When hell freezes over,” I shout back and throw in the middle finger for good measure. I ain’t going into a nursing home anytime soon.

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